![]() "You just have those thoughts about should you end it?" Lewis says. One by one, he saw three of his former offensive linemen die from health-related issues. Without that outlet-without a linebacker to smash into-suicidal thoughts creeped into his mind and spread like a virus. "You just kept it to yourself," he says, "and you dealt with it. Where he's from, Atlanta's hardscrabble Adamsville neighborhood, expressing feelings was a sign of weakness. He felt lost in the emptiness and couldn't tell a soul about these demons. He felt a distance between himself and his family. ![]() He felt his self-worth disappear because, he says, the "cheerleaders" in his life-the 70,000 screaming fans each Sunday-disappeared. "You think about death," the former Ravens star says. When the NFL ejected him-when one final undiagnosed concussion sent Lewis spiraling into the abyss-he considered killing himself. Then, with all kids out of earshot, Lewis' words knife through the sound of squeaking sneakers synchronizing with bouncing basketballs. ![]()
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